Lavenderbuddy - is it Time for a new "Mothers little helper"?

• The nervous system responds to traumatic events by activating the fight, flight, or freeze response, which helps us to survive in dangerous situations. However, if the trauma is not resolved, the nervous system can be stuck in a loop and fight of flight is right in your face- everyone's face to be fair!

• The nervous system interacts with the environment and learns from our experiences. This shapes our memory, learning, and behavior. Some factors that can affect our nervous system are genetics, nutrition, physical activity, sleep, social media, tv, school, work....the list is endless of the barrage of information coming through our children's body, senses and mind!

• The nervous system and long term effects on mental health are closely connected, and understanding how they work together can help us to improve our children's management of this and cope with challenges.

Sadly as a society many of us have grown up without any of understanding of the nervous system or had any tools to regulate it and many find themselves using other little helpers to do just that so this is where Lavenderbuddy ® can be used as tool to future proof our children not to go looking for "help" in destructive or addictive ways.

Everyone looks for help and we have some great, some not so great...(the pour me a wine at 4pm jokes are funny but that balance is short lived and can lead to dependency), so maybe its time for a new little helper for Parents, especially the mums who have the biggest share of overload of many things.

So How does Lavenderbuddy ® help our children when he is just a Soft Teddy?

Lavenderbuddy ® was created to look familiar for our children and playful and the more we learn why he is a an important Tool the less we see him as some generic teddy bear off the shelf!

When we are upset and feel the dysregulation arising, we feel a change in behaviour, body language, tone, eating, sleeping etc . Children do not always recognise this the way we can, they just know they feel something and are not able to describe what is going on in the body and most times shows up as behaviour. ( hands up if the epic brainquake has come from nowhere and swept into your environment, faster than Aladdin on his magic carpet).

So when to use Lavenderbuddy ® when a brainquake happens, will not be useful. Their pre frontal cortex has went off line.

You catch the dysregulation/ trigger after the incident/upset. That has to come out- all of it!

Then start with Oxytocin -Hug and sensory fabric- brings the body back to self l

Then a squeeze to release the scent of the Lavender flowers - activates the Vagus Nerve to slow down many functions in the body

Then Breath , big breath in at a coloured breath point and to the next point for a longer breath out.

Then some affirmations that are loving statements to themselves when they have been told different from others.

The important part after the upset ( is something we have all missed for a long time that is crucial to it not being stored in the amygdala- Maggi we call her so children can understand), is the connection we have with other people who are Safe and Regulated.

This social engagement with another person is key to recognising in the amygdala that it can be let go instead of stored, to pop up later.

But we are not always there supporting comforting/ validating them For whatever reasons

• we don't know they have been upset that day as they are not with us

• time/ work /family, we may be feeding a younger child and may say, " oh you are ok"

• at someone else's house for a playdate or sleepover

So until you can do all of this for them, Lavenderbuddy steps in as your Wing Man, co - regulating with them.

This way, they have a familiar safe friend until you are there. This reinforces the message to the the vagus nerve- Gus, to come back rebalance quickly .This creates a strong bounce back after upset, rather than it being constant consistent and weakening the vagus nerve activation to stay in like a braking system, locked and always ready to fire off stress hormones.

Almost like your your muscle having a lovely rub/massage or bath after over use . the muscle will relax back to its original state.

The Nervous system is just, if not more important to rebalance when fear, upset, terror, etc arrives the body releases hormones and chemicals into our muscles and nerves and if this is happening all the time and we don't let this balance and then it can build up and may affect the physical, which could lead to disease long-term or mental health challenges.

The words on the I am Affirmation cards, used from a better balanced state of relaxation, now go deeper into the subconscious. The validation of self rather than the validation from other's is a continuation of the deep co-regulation process.

( A small reminder that not all children will have an attentive or safe adullt around them or someone to sooth them after upset as a lot of the time, the adults that should be there, are causing the upset and trauma sadly)

Using the I am safe , I am enough I am brave cards will send a positive action to the sub-conscious from their own mouths, rather than waiting on hearing them from someone else later or not at all.

When parent's and carers miss these opportunities for all of the above, because we are not there 24/7 for whatever reason, they can then be sure in the knowing that some regulation has taken place and go over anything else that needs your input, then let the child and Lavenderbuddy ® know how capable they were together in doing a wonderful Job of managing these big emotions

• Let them see you hugging Lavender buddy and stroking him, using the chakras for breath work as children emulate what they see and this also creates trust that you think Lavenderbuddy and your child have handled this so well and you believe in them. This communicates to them that this is a safe space for regulation when you are not there

It's not a one time fix , It's a tool to use to build that self soothe, validation, love, safety, all the needs they deserve for a balanced strong nervous system, alone and with an adult support, which will help them through the rest of their lives.

This is also why it is also an added bedtime support tool because when bedtime arrives, its another space of being alone, exhausted, emotional for them, but when their brain and body feel and smell Lavenderbuddy ® again, after knowing it helped before, the brain and body remember and cascade these hormones and relaxation signals in seconds without them even knowing The safe space is back and the Oxytocin is flowing from the hug ,the body and Nervous system are relaxing, then they slip into that sleep they need and you crave as a parent.

I'm sure you will agree it beats sitting on the floor next to the bed or outside the room and constantly settling them and you scurry across the carpet like a Ninja, then one little eye opens at the slightest brush of fabric or the tiniest noise and you are back to square one!!

Lavenderbuddy Bear and Backpack with affirmation cards

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